That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
