My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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