well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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