I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
