She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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