It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
