I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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