If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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