While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize