Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
