Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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