WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish life had little blips of pornography
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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