you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
