So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
