If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
