I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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