I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
