Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
