Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
