OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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