Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
