i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
