this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
