did you get engaged???
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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