peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
