In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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