her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was