Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
