I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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