How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
