I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
