I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
