just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
