I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
