her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
