Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm both gender and math confused
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
