i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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