bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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