guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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