i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
