I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Boobs are out for the taking
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
