I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
