I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
love makes seman taste better
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
