I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh god it's open bar.
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