A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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