Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
