dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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