porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
