just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
