I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
