I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
