omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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