Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
