i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
