I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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