Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
