I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
