Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
handjob tips. give me some.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I will pee on everything he values.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
