just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
