is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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