Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
