I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
